wldybbuk:

butchruby:

i think there is value in talking about warning signs of abuse but at the same time people on here make way, way too broad statements about what is abuse without explanation or qualification. like abuse isn’t going to look the same in every situation and things like being jealous or sad or wanting attention or validation isn’t necessarily abusive and i see that stuff on this kind of list all the time with no qualifications, with no “these things can be used by abusers” it’s just “if someone does this it’s abusive”? or things like “if someone cries when you tell them they did something wrong that’s abusive and manipulative” like?? being sensitive doesn’t make someone abusive and you can’t just say that’s Always an abusive thing because someone can be upset and still change when you tell them they messed up?? simplifying abuse to a neat tidy list of behaviors doesn’t help abuse victims and misses the complexity of actual abuse.

And a lot of times really broad lists have things that could equally apply to how someone abused behaves.