thethoughtrepository:

• “I am a simple mermaid trying to get a simple college education and you fUCKERS KEEP PREVENTING THAT BY THROWING WATER BALLOONS AT ME FIVE MINUTES BEFORE CLASS SO IM STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING QUAD FOR A HOUR UNTIL IT WEARS OFF”

• “Alternatively, I was skipping class and saw you trying to drag you and your huge ass tail through the courtyard–do you need help? I guess I can carry you to class if you’d like, though I’m not so sure this was worth being called ‘Prince Eric’ for the next two weeks”

• “I knew there was a reason why you were so good in marine biology and why you always had to one-up me in the exam scores yOU’RE A MERMAID THIS IS SO UNFAIR IM TURNING YOU IN FOR CHEATING CHEATER”

• “I don’t know why i thought bringing you to a sushi bar was a good idea, i thought seeing all the live fish in the tanks would have been nice but i forgot about all the dead ones after”

• “I’m the mermaid so of course im always picked to go on diving missions by you biased advantage taking pricks, and you know what? i don’t care what you say, its dark and scary and theres something down there that i have never forgotten why do you think i stay on land”

• “apparently due to your mystical sea creature powers you have the ability to mimic any sound you hear, so you know what means friend?? VOICE IMPRESSIONS! MORGAN FREEMAN GO”

• “I know its late and i dont know you but i hear you can talk to fish and im worried my goldfish is depressed”

• “I take my showers before bed and I always end up scaring the shit out of your boy/girlfriend while dragging my two ton tail to the kitchen for some ice cream at 11 at night”