Peak bad discourse is “it’s selfish/acephobic/abusive to break up with someone for being asexual you’re just prioritizing your sex drive over your partner” like i’m sorry but different people have different intimacy requirements in relationships. Some people desire sex and feel like they need to have sex with their partner in order to have a fulfilling & happy relationship with them, and there’s nothing wrong with that at all. They are 100% allowed to feel that way, desiring sex in a relationship is completely fine so long as you are not forcing your partner to do things they are uncomfortable with or straight up don’t want to do.
Just as an ace person should never be forced to be in a relationship with someone who desires or needs sex and wants to have sex with them all the time, a non-ace person should never ever ever be guilted into staying with someone who doesn’t want, like, and/or value sex the way they do. Neither people are in the wrong in this situation and the simple answer is that sometimes relationships don’t work out because different people have different wants and needs. This is NOT the same as breaking up with your partner for being bisexual/pansexual (which is a bad comparison), absolutely nothing about the relationship will change once this information is known, whereas being asexual can mean certain aspects of what you seek in a relationship could be much different than what your partner wants.
Calling people abusive or selfish or “prioritizing their sex drive” for breaking up with someone with different values, feelings, wants, and needs regarding sex is despicable tbh.
EXACTLY!
Having different needs in relationships does not make one partner more selfish than the other. You wouldn’t fault someone who wants children for breaking up with a partner who doesn’t. The relationship was at an impasse because the parties involved had different needs and desires. That can happen in a relationship, unfortunately.
The non-ace partner staying in the relationship knowing that the ace partner doesn’t want sex but deciding to pressure/manipulate them into sex to fulfill those needs would be selfish. Realizing that there’s a disparity and breaking things off is not.
Please don’t villainize non-ace people who feel that they couldn’t be in a relationship with an ace because of their sexual needs. They can’t control their need for sexual intimacy anymore than an ace could control their their aversion to it. Different people have different needs, and that’s OK.