thedenofravenpuff:

How do you argue about asexuality as a real thing with someone, when they don’t see anything wrong with the sentence “You don’t know if you want sex until afterwards.”?

When they insist you trying to be healthy and fit as a sign that you are purposely trying to attract someone else, and not just doing it for yourself? 

When they say “you really have to have sex” while claiming they don’t mean you HAVE to but you should, ‘cuz that’s just what you do. And clearly it’ll “cure” you?

And through it all they are not talking down to you or being condescending, seeming quite open but having problems relating to something so “weird”. I do understand, things that are different from how you are used to view them can be difficult to understand. Especially if it’s a new concept to you.

Still… It was civilized conversation, I’ve had it before where people just accepted I was this way and knew it wasn’t their business if I wanted sex or not. I found it odd having someone insist I needed to have sex with SOMEONE and seems to think masturbation proves as an erasure of asexuality. As long you have a libido it proves asexuality is not real. 

Mind you he weren’t offering. It wasn’t that. It just seemed like a concern to him for me to be “healthy” sexually.

He even asked “what happened to you?” The first time anyone came to the conclusion that I was simply traumatized from wanting sex. 

I know I’m rather privileged as an asexual. Coming out I only met acceptance and curiosity or just mild disinterest. I’ve never faced anything negative about my orientation (with some awkward exceptions including my aromantisme). I know there are Aces out there who had it hard. Experiencing acephobia and erasure, facing people thinking they are broken or lying, that they need to be cured, who loses friends or even family members for wanting to be accepted for who and what they are.

I got it easy. I’ve known that from the start. And compared to many of those other cases, even this conversation last night was nothing. We still parted as friends, nothing changed. Maybe I could have told him his choice of words hurt me a little, maybe it’s good it didn’t when it’s on such a small scale.

But it’s still with me. I’ll take it with me to prepare for next time I have such a talk. I want to help people understand when they ask or are confused. I’m pretty open about my asexuality. I’ve been so more at peace with myself when I understood I wasn’t “broken”. And I’m so very lucky. Having so many people in my life just accepting it and do their part to understand.

That said… I do try not to be too much “in your face” about it to people. It’s not a badge to wave around, one label which defines everything about me. I’m a person, not “just” an asexual.

Just… some thoughts I had to get out there to get them out of my head.

Thank you for your time.

Originally posted by lookhuman