pilgrimkitty:

brosequartz:

iztarshi:

Inspired by various tumblr posts.

Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.

Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.

You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.

That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?

You really want a human.

Humans also get a reputation for being pants-shittingly insane:

Humans want to go everywhere, you see that black hole? They’re trying to go in that to ‘explore’

Humans jump out of flying vehicles at heights that would most certainly kill them with only a piece of cloth strapped to them to save them, they do this for FUN

Conversely humans, a species that cannot survive without air, plunge themselves into the depths of their planet’s horrifying oceans until their bodies can’t take the pressure then they created vehicles to go further

Humanity didn’t wait to develop a sensible propulsion system to escape their planet’s atmosphere they strapped a metal tube to bombs and shot themselves out into the vacuum of space

If a human says something will ‘be fun’ assume that it’s probably life threatening

Every version of this post is amazing.

Humans advance at an exponential rate. From the time they first discovered flight, it wasn’t even a century later until they reached space travel and are constantly advancing far faster than any other race.

If you ever face a human, make absolutely sure they never get hold of anything you have because they know how to recreate things they find. they call this “reverse engineering”

Humans blast their food with radiation to save time and the only precaution they use when eating is blowing air out of their mouth if the foods temperature is too high for their standards.