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job applications just keep getting weirder…..

pro jobseeking tip: never answer these surveys honestly

also a tip: if they have a question like “Everybody steals from work sometimes” answer “disagree.”

I found this out when i was working as a hiring manager and the company i worked for started instituting these tests for managerial hires or promotions. My boss and I were promoting someone and she failed the test because she answered that question as “slightly agree” which in the results tells them that she is someone likely to steal because she believes everyone does it. When we asked her about her answer, it turns out she picked what she did because she’s cynical and does assume that people steal but didnt agree with them doing so. she almost sued the company for not promoting her based on that but chose to leave instead. We lost a good employee because corporate decided these tests were a good way to screen for “good” employees.

tldr these things are poorly designed, ambiguously worded, and structured in ways that are designed to eliminate people because the intention of the questions is never made clear. these tests are evil.

this sounds like an ableist disaster for people who aren’t neurotypical and who struggle with reading signals 

 When I went to get diagnosed with ADHD, the neuropsychologist couldn’t figure out what was going on, because on paper I’m apparently floridly psychotic.  No, the questions are imprecise, and I am hyper-literal and extremely honest.  

“Do you often see things that other people do not see?”  Yes. 

     The question I was answering:  “Are you especially observant?”

     The question the test was actually asking:  “Are you having visual hallucinations?” 

“Does your environment ever have special messages for you?”  Yes.  

     The question I was answering:  “Does the sudden sight of a rainbow during a    bout of doubt and self-loathing make you feel as though the world is trying to cheer you up?”

      The question the test was actually asking:  “Do you believe that your toaster is trying to convince you that the neighbors are spying on you?”

Five years later, I bombed a psych eval for a park ranger job for the same sort of thing.  Tread carefully, darlings.  

^^^^ that is actually such a huge issue with diagnosis!!!! and I’ve thought I didn’t experience symptoms for ages that I actually clearly had all along because of things being phrased super weirdly and confusingly :(

And this is why McDonald’s never called me after I applied

Yeah, this is why this kind of thing in job apps needs to be illegal. A lot of discrimination is well hidden.

Oh! That explains why even having friends and my then-husband proofread these every time didn’t even work. They may not be as weird as me, but they’re not neurotypical. We all read the questions tantefledermaus mentioned as observational skills!

Fuck. This explains why I’ve failed all of these fucking things.

My sister said to answer these as if you were a really passive person who relied on management/authority to tell you exactly what to do/think.

Protip: my Dad is a hiring manager at Home Depot and he told me the system they use (with the stupidass pointless 500 question quiz) is designed so it filters out people with neutral answers. Several months ago I applied for numerous jobs, each of which required their own dumbass tests. To save time (and my sanity) i would click the “sometimes” or middle option for nearly every question unless it was serious. Nobody every called me back. Hell only 1 of the 8 places i applied to even messaged me back saying “thank you but we have gone with someone else”. Your applications wont even get seen unless you “pass” the quiz.

So when all yall do fill out these dumb things be sure to pick strong yes or no answers. Never “maybe” or “slighty agree/disagree”

Thank you for that, cause I do that a lot. Like I legit feel neutral on some of those questions. Tumblr with the life hacks

It’s really bad for someone who isn’t neurotypical because often, these questions do contain language meant to filter us out.

For me, I tend to notice the ones meant to filter out people with ADD, like myself. For example “do you have trouble focusing on one task” or “do you like to move around.” My normal answers to these would be “yes, but I have it under control” and “of course, no one can sit still for hours”. But corporations read them as “do not hire”

It’s a bunch of BS. So I answer them like a yes man from office space. Works pretty well.

Someone once told me also, I think it was regarding the Macy’s job application I had filled out, that they will ask you the same question a few different ways in order to weed out people who aren’t fluent in English. Basically, if you answer “Strongly Agree” to the question worded one way and then “Somewhat Agree” to the same question worded differently, they write you off as not fluent in English (which is unfair) and you are less likely to get hired because of this (which is racist!!!).

Lots of important stuff pointed out here but it’s also worth mentioning that the actual OP question in particular is screening for mood.

A person who answers questions “optimistically” always has an edge, so hide that depression and anxiety, too.

Basically you have to answer these quizzes like you’re fucking Spongebob; like the world is a magical beautiful place of infinite wonder and your job is the most exciting, emotionally fulfilling purpose you could ever conceivably imagine having.

See also: The reason I can always get jobs working with kids, working with people in poverty, working with individuals with IDD, working in nursing home jobs, etc…

But never got a callback from WalMart.

If you’re currently trying to find a retail/food service job, read up. Good tips, here.