today-ifuckedup:

So I was digging through my parents’ favorite video games and decided to continue my mom’s game in Onimusha 3. It’s kind of old but it’s pretty fun and I’m doing well until I come across this monster.

That is, both in game AND in real life.

Because when I looked down on my arm, there’s this giant ass centipede just waltzing its way up my arm like “Hey girl what’s up doing anything this weekend?”

But I don’t have time for to deal with this guy and the monster on the screen was about to attack my character. So I decide that my in-game HP was more important than my in-real-life HP and ended up going for a 10-slash combo instead of killing the bug on my arm.

Annnnddddd just as I finish the monster off the centipede bites down on my arm and I start screaming bloody murder partly because of the pain and mostly because having a giant centipede hanging off of your arm is just pretty fucking scary.

Fast forward a few minutes later mom’s icing my arm and screaming her lungs out: “If you even had a brain the size of Justin Bieber’s dick to press the pause button, you would never have fucked up like this!” (Pardon the strange wording, we speak Chinese at home and this is the most literal translation I could come up with.)

TLDR: Decided to kill a monster on-screen than a monster in real life. Ended up with a centipede bite and a roasting from my mom.

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