Worse than murderers, rapists, pedophiles, and car salesmen?
Yes, I agree that if a relationship isn’t doing it for you, breaking up is the obvious solution. I’ve never known humans to choose the logical, obvious solution though. I try to see everybody as human, and all humans deserve help when it’s needed. All humans deserve some respect, even if they do something horrible. Maybe they did that horrible thing because they’ve been hurt and it warped their view of the world. Fixing that warping would prevent any horrible actions.
I am looking for more than just punishment. I am looking for a solution. As long as people just go “Horrible people don’t need help”, we will never have a solution and decent humans will still do horrible things.
Doing a bad thing does not make you a bad person. It means you need help. You are only a bad person if you refuse to stop after help is offered.
It’s just the fact that you’re defending cheaters that astounds me. Murderers and pedophiles have something fucked up mentally with them (most of them, anyways) but cheaters are just normal, selfish, arrogant people who don’t give a shit about the person they claim to love.
1. I’m not defending them. I’m saying they need help. Defending them would be going against everything I stand for.
What I’m saying is “Here’s what they were thinking. Here’s why they did what they did. Here’s why they need help. Here’s why helping them would prevent future cheating.”
I see a problem. I want that problem fixed. That means I have to look at the problem from every angle and try to understand it.
2. Most of them do care. That’s why they keep it secret. Or that’s why they are the one who tells their partner. The thing is, they made a series of bad choices. They know it’s wrong. And they’re conflicted because there are different psychological forces at play. Your average cheater is conflicted and torn in two, doing things that betray the trust of the people they love and yet somehow unable to bring themselves to just avoid doing those things. They are not well, from a psychological standpoint. Something has gone wrong with their decision making process, with their rational thinking and rationalization processes.
The arrogant playboy type cheater who doesn’t give a fuck is basically something you only see in highschool and Hollywood.
“The arrogant playboy type cheater who doesn’t give a fuck is basically something you only see in high school and Hollywood”
Wow, you know nothing of the college boys I’ve met, then. Or even grown adults. Talk to some people who’ve been cheated on that aren’t in high school and you’ll see that you’re really wrong there.
Hm. Maybe you did run into those kind of cheaters. I can’t say you didn’t.
But maybe you’ve never ran into the conflicted kind. Or maybe you just assume actions speak louder than words, and so when they say “I love you”, you go “No, you cheated, so that means you don’t.” If you don’t give a second thought to their thought processes, then of course they’d all come across as the kind who never actually cared.
I’m not saying you should stop to wonder why they did what they did. If you’ve been hurt, distancing yourself from them completely and burning that bridge is completely understandable. But please don’t assume everyone who is trying to understand the why of it is defending them. Most of us who look at the why are trying to find solutions and, if possible, ways to prevent it in the future.
Cheaters are still humans, and all humans deserve to be heard out and given a fair shake. If they do something horrible, they deserve at least one chance from the world to try and get better. You don’t have to go back and forgive them or anything, but please don’t attack people like me who just want to fix the problems.
I think people need to understand that explaining a reason is not condoning or excusing a thing.