sebastianfucker:

sebastianfucker:

successfully profiled and found a lost cat thanks to a criminal minds binge someone tell the FBI to hire me

My roommate came to get me because the cat was missing. I paused the show and went outside and I was all walking around the crime scene like okay the kitchen window is open and there is no screen so he must have jumped out here and ran off and they were like “so he’s gone???”

And I was like “we’ll pretend I’m a cat. There are two ways to go, towards the street and the lights or into the dark. A cat would choose the quieter dark spot” so I went into the dark and there like ur never gonna find him but I said LISTEN Spike was an outside cat before we moved and he’s been trapped inside so I bet he ran to the most bushy and grassy area. They said I was full of shit but u know what I found in the bushes? The fucking cat bitch I’m FBI material.