playing Uno with my family and 6-year-old cousin when suddenly….

Him: Are you a boy or a girl? You look like a girl, but you dress like a boy… And you have hairy armpits!

*everyone at the table freezes; wide eyes fixed on me…*

Me: Well, I didn’t want to say anything but….Neither. I’m a mermaid. I wear these clothes so I can easily run from the Dolphin Police because truthfully, I’m not supposed to be here on dry land. Oh, and that’s not hair, it’s seaweed.

Him:So, that’s why your hair is red!!!!!

Later that night, we are drawing & my hair is up in a ponytail…

Him: What’s that thing on your ear? *points to my hearing aid*

Me: Ah, this. It’s a device that lets me hear what the Dolphins are up to at all times. Every mermaid has one.

Him: Are you lying?

Me: Here, I’ll prove it to you. *takes out hearing aid, feedback screeches* See? They’re angry. I’ve told you too much…

Him: *whispers* Oh my god….

A year later, his mom texts me and says he STILL thinks I’m a mermaid outlaw, and that he swears he saw me swimming in a river they drove by one day. yeah it’s a big fat lie but I’m a real-life fucking mermaid in this kids mind…who else can say that?!?