thoodleoo:

• clodius pulcher: mostly loved to cause a ruckus. notorious cross-dresser and prince-stealer
  
• cicero: spent most of his political career insulting people he didn’t like (see mark antony). was so proud of saving the republic that he wrote two epic poems about how great he is
• julius caesar: gained power by beating the shit out of his opponents but at least tried to help the poor. once received a sext from his girlfriend in the middle of a senate meeting which was then angrily read by said girlfriend’s half-brother who thought it was evidence that he was participating in a conspiracy
• cato the elder: main political achievement that he is remembered for was screaming that carthage must be destroyed at the end of every speech
• didius julianus: purchased the roman empire at an auction and was later executed for being useless
• mark antony: frat boy politician well-known for wearing the ancient equivalent of booty shorts and coming to political meetings hungover
• pupienus: ruled for three months before being assassinated by the praetorian guard. name is pronounced “poopy anus”

What about Emperor Caligula who declared war on neptune and demanded his troops attack the sea. They realized how stupid it was and just took seashells to him and claimed they had won. he believed them