anniedorkable:

amweaver:

chefpyro:

Humans: hello, we come in peace. we are from a planet we call Earth.

Alien: oh yes! the bagel planet!

Humans: … what?

Alien: you are the only planet in the known galaxy that has invented bagels. we would like to make trade agreements right away.

Humans: i… okay then.

This is a fantastic premise, Earth having a commodity that only humans have made, and we can only make it on our planet because our resources are just unique enough that other planets cannot replicate it. Wait until the aliens get a load of what we call moon pies, or macaroons, or tiny philo cups full of pumpkin spice custard.

“I truly appreciate that you like our food so much,” the agent said, slightly confused, “but… how did you ever come across it?”

The alien shrugged. It looked humanoid, but slightly… off. Its eyes were a deeper and purer color than humanely possible, its hair shone a little bit too bright and the skin was a little bit too smooth. It would have been a perfect human. The only thing that truly stood out were its hands. They had six digits and were a little bit too big, but it handled the bagel with surprising grace.

 “Simple! We’ve been monitoring your planet for ages. We haven’t paid a lot of attention to you though. We always thought you were mere vermin, a plague, but this,” It waved the bagel around, expertly turning it in his fingers so it wouldn’t be dropped, “this proves that you are worth existing!” It took a perfect bite. No crumbs spilled from its mouth, no grease got on its perfect clothes or lips.

The agent was slightly shaken, but he made sure the alien didn’t see it. “I see,” he said. “No offense, but do they not have any treats on your planet?”

It laughed. “Oh, we do, but it’s simply not the same! You have unique ingredients to choose from that we don’t have, like sugar or cocoa! Oh, you simply haven’t lived until you’ve tasted chocolate. That is why we want to propose a trade!”

The agent nodded, still confused. “Well, alright then…”