tinybabyleafs:

the-punning-ubus:

ukthewhitewolf:

ayellowbirds:

dvandom:

uristmcdorf:

beka-tiddalik:

talkingbirdguy:

radioactivepeasant:

adrenaline-revolver:

radioactivepeasant:

It occurs to me that as much as “humans are the scary ones” fits sometimes, if you look at it another way, humans might seem like the absurdly friendly or curious ones.

I mean, who looked at an elephant, gigantic creature thoroughly capable of killing someone if it has to, and thought “I’m gonna ride on that thing!”?

And put a human near any canine predator and there’s a strong chance of said human yelling “PUPPY!” and initiating playful interaction with it.

And what about the people who look at whales, bigger than basically everything else, and decide “I’m gonna swim with our splashy danger friends!”

Heck, for all we know, humans might run into the scariest, toughest aliens out there and say “Heck with it. I’m gonna hug ‘em.”

“Why?!”

“I dunno. I gotta hug ‘em.”

And it’s like the first friendly interaction the species has had in forever so suddenly humanity has a bunch of big scary friends.

“Commander, we must update the code of conduct to include the humans.”

“Why? Are they more aggressive than we anticipated?”

“It seems to be the opposite Commander. Just this morning a crewman nearly lost their hand when attempting to stroke an unidentified feline on an unknown world. Their reaction to the attack was to call the creature a “mean kitty” and vow to win it over. Upon inquiry it seems they bond so readily with creatures outside their species that they have the capacity to feel sympathy for an alien creature they have never seen before simply because it appears distressed. I hate to say this commander but we must install a rule to prevent them from endangering their own lives when interacting with the galaxy’s fauna.”

“I see what you mean. So be it, from now on no crewman is allowed to touch unknown animals without permission from a superior officer. And send a message to supplies about acquiring one of these “puppies” so that their desire to touch furred predators can be safely sated. 

Ehehehe I love this! Every time someone adds a short story to my post it gets like 90% cuter and more epic

Lets be honest, the humans would ignore the hell outta that rule whenever alone.

“So I hear that you’ve just recruited a human for your ship.”

“Yes, it’s the first time that I’ve worked with these species, but they come highly recommended. Say, you’ve worked with a few, what tips can you give me? I’d hate to have some kind of cultural misunderstanding if it’s avoidable.”

“The first rule of working with humans is never leave them unsupervised.”

“Wait, what?”

“I’m serious. Don’t do it. Things. Happen.”

“But wait, I thought that I heard you highly recommended that every crew should have at least one on board?”

“Absolutely, and I stand by that. Humans are excellent innovators, and are psychologically very resilient. If you have a crisis, then a human that has bonded wth your crew properly can be invaluable. Treat your human well and you should get the best out of them as a crew member. Their ability to get on with almost any species is legendary.”

“But Toks, didn’t you just say…”

“The trouble is that they will potentially try to bond with anything. If you leave them unsupervised, you have no idea what kind of trouble they can get themselves into. It was sheer luck that the Fanzorians thought that it was funny that the human picked up the Crown Prince to coo at him.”

“Crown Prince Horram, Scourge of Pixia?”

“The very same. Surprisingly good sense of humour. But don’t even get me started on that one time with the Dunlip. Al-Human wanted to know if they could keep it. As a pet.”

“A Dunlip? You mean the 3 metre tall apex predators from Jowun?”

“Yup. Don’t leave your humans unsupervised.”

“I’ll uh, take that under advisement.”

“Seriously. Get a supply of safe animals for the humans to bond with or they will make their own. I mean, they will try to befriend anything they come across anyway, but without any permanent pets they can get… creative. Don’t even get me started on the time one of them taped a knife to one of our auto-cleaners and named it Stabby.

Three weeks in and when we finally caught the wretched thing, half the humans on crew tried to revolt about us “killing” Stabby by removing the knife.

“How… how did you resolve that sir?”

“Glaxcol made a toy knife out of insulation rubber and strapped that on instead. Quite a creative solution, I suppose.”

“And that sated the humans?

“Worse.”

“Worse?”

“They thought it was so funny they made a second one, strapped false eyes on springs to both and held mock battles. Then decided Stabby and Knifey were in love and now none of them will allow the others to stage fights between them any more.”

Stabby is an omniversal constant.

Oh my gods, we’re the Steve Irwins of the universe.

this is my fave thing.

it can’t even be safe to assume humans would only attach themselves to only fuzzy, furry things.
reptilian and even insectoid creatures are just as likely to be randomly selected as “this is a thing i love” by a human.

“Excuse me, captain? Human-Rob requests that we … bring aboard … a Kilarn.”

“A Kilarn? The giant poisonous and highly aggressive insectoid predator? Am I hearing you correctly?”

“…. Yes ser.”

“For the love of- WHY?”

“I asked the same thing, to which they replied “he’s trying his best” in a distressed tone of voice.“

*captain sighs and holds head in hands*

Also human pack animal mentality, even our most introverted and or anti social humans require a base line of human contact/affection. when a human see’s something that seems living and alone the instinctual reaction is to go near it. When left alone we start losing our minds to anxiety and touch starvation and will start hearing things among other side affects.

“Sargent pfpfpflt, where is your human crew member?”

“They are currently on a solo mission to the outer quadrent and should return in a month.”

“The outer quadrent.”

“Yes”

“The part of the galaxy that is uninhabitable to anything none human, that the humans have yet to colonize?”

“That is correct Commander.”

“Did you let the human bring along any small creatures or communication devices?”

“No Commander our communication systems would not work in the outer quadrant and the small creature the human calls cherio would be safer on the ship.”

“How long has it been since the human left?”

“About (three earth hours) Commander.”

“Then we still have time to catch up with the human before they lose what little bit of sanity they have in them.”

Also take into account most humans’ tendency to completely ignore reason in favor of emotion, as well as how deeply we treasure our bonds with each other, and you have even MORE messes waiting to happen 

(when the ship is landed for repairs on planet z-90) 

“C-captain, sir…?” 

“What is it?” 

“Uh, Human-Ava has… run away…” 

“WHAT?”

“They had a fight with another human and claimed that ‘no one understands them’ and they were going to ‘find someone who would care’ and… kind of went running off into the distance.”  

“WHAT KIND OF A REASON IS THAT? THESE HUMANS- ugh, WHY did you let the human escape? We NEED them! There are only three other humans on board-” 

“On the contrary, sir, all of the other humans are also gone. They ran off looking for Human-Ava because they were worried. They also left in such a frenzy, they left behind most of their weaponry and equipment.” 

“WHAT the- WHY?! They all KNOW it’s way too dangerous out there unequipped, and they KNOW we can find the human much more efficiently than they can, and- WHAT REASON DO THEY HAVE FOR RUNNING OFF?! and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM??!!” 

“…” 

“WELL? GO FIND THEM ALREADY!!! If the Khikleds kill them all, I swear- ” 

“Y-yes captain!” 

The humans are later found, miraculously not dead, sitting in a circle cross-legged with the Khikleds, teaching them the words to “Kumbaya” and giggling. The captain claims his lifespan has been reduced by twenty years due to stress. 

what even are humans?