narwhalsarefalling:

narwhalsarefalling:

sadmac356:

narwhalsarefalling:

narwhalsarefalling:

linzerj:

narwhalsarefalling:

phantomcloneauthor:

narwhalsarefalling:

narwhalsarefalling:

narwhalsarefalling:

DO YOU EVER JUST FIND A SPIDER IN YOUR SHIRT LIKE BITCH IM SLEEPING ATOP BITING ME

okay i need to clarify that i actually dont fear spiders (or anything) i was just made that this one woke me up. grabbed him and placed him in a corner of my room bc he probably been eating those fruit flies and i hate those things. named them Uranus.

why is everyone surprised. i feed wild snakes dead mice. ive drunk powdered glass by accident. ive been stormchasing since i was 12. once a snake was in my bathroom and i released her in my garden so she could scare off the deer that were eating my fucking tomatoes. i fear no god, nor death and just want to get rid of some damn fruit flies in my room so if an inch long spider crawls across my tummy when im asleep bc theyre trying to make a web ill deal with it.

You badass motherfluffer.

once i cried because i saw a dog and i couldn’t pet it

I envy you. I appreciate the spiders but I am also afraid of them so there are lots of screams and occasional spider casualties. Teach me your ways to coexist with the spiders in harmony

1. spiders have evolved to live inside houses rather then outside conditions so in a way they are your roommates that pay you in eating bugs! yes, they may be a bit scary looking but all roommates you dont know very well seem like that at first.

2. give ur spider a nickname! especially a funny one. I named the one that crawled across my belly Uranus because i like space and it sounds like your anus. its harder to kill things that youve named.

3. however, if this is a deadly spider (i get black widows sometimes, so do your research on your local deadly spiders!) please do not try to form a bond with it in case you scare it and it bites you!! i remember vividly when i was six and there was a black widow mother in my house. my mama stepped on it and baby spiders burst everywhere and we had to get wasp spray. most spiders arent venomous to humans but make sure your new roommate isnt!

4. leave ur spider alone, and theyll leave u alone. they just want to hunt flies and watch you scroll though tumblr. they are guardians that protect you from getting bugs in your room that could carry diseases! if you really wish you can set a bottlecap of water by their web (if you can find it, dont disturb them but set the water about two inches away from them!). its good because water might attract bugs for ur new roommate to eat!!

5. enjoy your low maintenance pet!

i do have to clarify that not all spiders have evoloved to live inside your house! wolf spiders are pretty tough so you can put them anywhere and theyll be ok, but if you find a pretty looking spider dont bring them inside!!! 

also heres a picture of Uranus!!

i believe he is non venomous daring jumping spider!

Hey, Rey, how tf did you accidentally drink powdered glass?

it looked like water ok

gotta clarify that i dont live in hell, australia, or the amazon rain forest i just live in some random ass forest in texas