bidoof:

The other day, I was riding the bus with my colleagues. We were all wearing our “Down With C.I.S.” shirts (”C.I.S.” stands for “Communists In Seattle”, an extremist left-wing organization who we, as young conservatives, all strongly oppose) from the anti-communist rally we had just attended. We had a great turnout and were heading downtown to celebrate at a local restaurant. Suddenly, as the driver pulled up to the bus stop, I spotted two young men walking down the sidewalk, one of whom had Leiurus quinquestriatus – the death stalker, one of the most deadly and poisonous scorpion species on Earth – crawling around on this totally oblivious gentleman’s back!

Overcome by responsibility, my companions and I swiftly leaped from the bus and onto the young man, tackling him to the ground and trying to kill the deadly scorpion. Unfortunately, the tricky arthropod began skillfully darting back and forth, dodging all of our blows. In our panic to save the young man from the death stalker, we accidentally landed quite a few blows on the man himself, but figured he would certainly prefer that to the instantly paralyzing toxins of a scorpion. We finally got the scorpion, but as we withdrew from the man, he turned and began attacking us, interpreting our attempt to rescue him as an attack! We tried to explain the situation to him but the situation had escalated too quickly. Sensing no other options, my friends and I fled.

We don’t know his name, and I don’t know how, but if there was some way to use social media to relay this message to the man we rescued from the death stalker scorpion, we would certainly appreciate clearing up this misunderstanding. Down with communism.