Aries Here comes the Assyrian empire-- never mind it's the Babylo-- Media-- it's the Persian Empire! (wow, that's big)

Taurus ...they never got Ethiopia...

Gemini Coming soon to a dank river valley near you

Cancer It's sad. I'm sad. I miss you.

Leo here's some huge heads. Must be the Olmecs.

Virgo You could make a reli-- no, don't

Libra It's a great idea. He was great. And now he's dead.

Scorpio Don't worry about Rome, it won't fall.

Sagittarius Actually, never. And also now. Nothing is nowhere. When? Never. Makes sense, right?

Capricorn This whole thing is bullshit that's a scam fuck the church

Aquarius What's on the menu? Communism!

Pisces ...Wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?