Silver Tongue

sleepy-sheepasaurus:

fluffy-luffy:

sounds-neet:

highmachinegun:

waltersandmurdock:

bemusedlybespectacled:

Shrek makes infinitely more sense if you ascribe to the theory that everyone is a PC in an RPG, and Donkey’s player managed to avoid a boss battle by rolling a nat 20 to seduce the fucking dragon

“I want to be a half-ogre.”

“What? You can’t. They’ve seen your picture, and you’re a human.”

“The ogre half is at night.”

“Ok, now it’s time for the boss fight against Farquaad.”

“I have my dragon girlfriend eat Farquaad.”

“…you what?”

“I have my dragon girlfriend-”

“No, no, I heard you the first time. Look, I’m gonna roll a d20 and if it’s a 20 then the dragon will eat Farquaad.”
-dice sounds-

*pinches the bridge of his nose* “Ok, so the boss is fucking dead now.”

By Shrek 2, everything has just gone to shit.

“Okay, so I go in as sexy human Shrek, riding on the shoulder of the giant gingerbread man, and pull down the drawbridge of the castle so I can slip in and crash the fairy god mother’s performance of I Need A Hero. Do I need to roll Endurance to survive boiling milk?”

*DM covers their face with both hands, sobbing* “What the fuck have you assholes done to my campaign!?”

@sleepy-sheepasaurus

Donkey is the bard who seemingly forgot that their spells require a free hand to cast.

Puss In Boots is the rogue who put all of his points into charisma, probably bribed the DM into letting him be bipedal. Donkey’s player won’t let it go.

  1. crunchingtiger reblogged this from inkxplashes
  2. detectiveashcroft reblogged this from inkxplashes
  3. snowflakesincalifornia reblogged this from caffeinewitchcraft
  4. inkxplashes reblogged this from caffeinewitchcraft
  5. suns-dusk reblogged this from hesitantheroine
  6. hesitantheroine reblogged this from dreamofbecoming
  7. dreamofbecoming reblogged this from damatris
  8. maccu-chan reblogged this from genericwhitehomosexual
  9. pokegirl828 reblogged this from caffeinewitchcraft
  10. meddlesomedragon reblogged this from noivern
  11. log-pride2000 reblogged this from femmeholograms
  12. ashidentshappen reblogged this from highmachinegun and added:
    Pinocchio constantly rolls 1s
  13. high-femme-mistake reblogged this from femmeholograms
  14. amandathescarlet-reblog reblogged this from femmeholograms
  15. dazzling-jester reblogged this from femmeholograms
  16. sonoiljollydelmazzo reblogged this from femmeholograms
  17. femmeholograms reblogged this from bemusedlybespectacled
  18. mythic-hunter reblogged this from highmachinegun
  19. ashenphoenix reblogged this from boonasaurusrex
  20. lucelle reblogged this from grace-pls
  21. oz-the-great-and-yeet reblogged this from honk-man
  22. bemusedlybespectacled posted this