noctisvolucrum:

cupcakeshakesnake:

kyyridwen:

cute-thangsss:

You can buy Uranium Ore from Amazon. Thank god Kim Jong Un doesn’t have access to the Internet.                                                                                                                                        

the reviews for this are….amazing:

“ Rubbed on balls every night for three years straight and I still ended up with over twenty kids. This stuff does not work. “

“I got a free cat in the box with this purchase but I’m not sure if I should open it to see if the cat is ok.”

“ I left this product next to my pet lizard, unfortunately now he’s 350ft tall now and is currently destroying Tokyo, Japan”

“If I opt for air mail does it get delivered by Amazone Prime Air or CIA drones?“

“I want to turn my pet iguana into a 400 foot tall kaiju with radioactive breath. How many should I buy?”

“Oh, so on re-reading the book, it’s nitrogen, phosphorus, and POTASSIUM in garden fertiliser. Not Uranium. My bad, great product, and I’m now off to take the tomato plant for its walk.”

“Would rate zero stars if I could! I guess the super powers you receive from this product are completely random. My power was colon cancer and the ability to smell colors. How am I supposed to fight crime with that?! Do not buy!”

“ Relabeled it liverwurst and left it in the break room fridge. Of course it was gone the next day. Turned of the lights in our office and as expected, Peter from accounting was the only one glowing in the dark. No wonder he never brought lunch to work.”

“This stuff works great as hair removal. Take the rock and crush it into your shampoo. All of your hair will fall out, and give your head a nice glow so you can read without any lights on.”