Her: come over

Me: I can’t, hurricane Irma is here

Her: my parents aren’t home

Why the hell would you ever do this? Like what did this accomplish?

Uh, its fucking sweet? You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience the raw force of nature in the form of a rare windstorm and you’re going to just sit your ass in the car like some kind of bitch boy? Fuck that. I’m going to get out, unzip my pants, and get the world’s fastest blowjob. Get on my level.

Sounds like something a virgin would say.

I’m going to lose my virginity to a force of nature and you lost your virginity to the highschool lunch lady so I think I win this one fuckboy

Good thing there’s such a strong wind to help soothe that sick fuckin burn.