Backstory: My dwarven rogue HATES orcs because they’ve taken her father prisoner. Our team of adventurers were able to capture the head of the orc army, torture him for minimal information, and then put him in prison. My character decided to take responsibility for the orc’s continued suffering.

Me: How long would it take for me to break him so completely mentally that he obeys my every order?

DM: Well, you’re set to go to battle in three days…so longer than that?

Me: Ok…..side note: how many legs do you think he needs?

Elf Wizard/Dad-like figure to our group: None?

Our naive, sweet half-elf pothead ranger: JESUS CHRIST.