banishedquasiroyal:

my bro and i were talking today about tolkein basically being thinly veiled manly man friendship Cool Dude MAN erotica and anyway here’s some solid points of why lord of the rings is gay

-hobbits are a race solely composed of otters. dwarves are bears. elves are twinks. you want monster dudes? guess what we have those too

-feet size = dick size = hobbits are fucking tripods

-sam & frodo

-literally every book is gratuitous examples of the world around them in order to avoid tolkein writing a thirsty essay about aragorn’s chest hair

-all female ents live in gardens bc they couldn’t deal with the sheer Manly Masculinity Of Male Trees, Who Are Dudes

-swords

-creepy old dude who preys on twinks (gollum)

anyway. in conclusion tolkein probably would be the guy today who says that he’s straight even tho he reblogs greco roman naked wrestling and says that He Just Appreciated The Sweaty Dripping Bodies