fmarpgaugreedling:

Things DM Hughes is sick of

• Mustang: “i seduce the ______”
• Al trying to negotiate his way out of every fight despite having one of the strongest characters
• Ed starting every fight (even when he’s talking to unimportant NPCs who Hughes didn’t think to fucking bother giving stats to)
• Greed trying to steal literally every item they come across
• Ling somehow eating every scrap of food Hughes has in his house while playing
• Mustang either gets 1s or 20s. It’s ridiculous
• Hawkeye almost never gets bad rolls. It’s also ridiculous
• Hughes: “i uh. That may not be the best course of acti-“
• Everyone: “hold my beer”
• Al trying to pet every wild animal and vaguely furry monster they come across
• Ed pointing out all the scientific/logical flaws in the campaign when “it’s a FANTASY WORLD EDWARD you have to have a little SUSPENSION OF BELIEF”
• Ling: “i jump off the roof, PARKOUR” “i leap out the window, PARKOUR” “i fall off the cliff, PARKOUR”
• Hughes: “you walk into the tiny village”
• Greed: “it’s my village now. I’m taking over”
• Hughes: “y…you can’t just”
• Greed: “i tell all the villagers to bow before me”
• Ling seeing through all the plot twists Hughes tries to set up
• Hawkeye’s severe, disappointed look whenever Hughes fucks the characters over that always results in bad luck for Hughes for the next few days (she swears she had nothing to do with his flat tires but he knows)
• Ling and Ed keep fucking quoting vines
• Ed: *gets hurt* “mothertrucker dude that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick”
• Ling: *something bad happens* “hwhy? Hhhhhwhy? Hhhwhy? Hwhy? Hwhy?”
• Hughes: “it is a very powerful stone-“
• Ling: “What, you mean like a chaos emerald?”
• Whenever Greed’s character switches to his Ultimate Shield form, he insists everyone pause the game while he plays an anime magical girl transformation song
• one time Al switched it to the ‘form voltron’ song
• and then someone made it the John Cena thing and no one knows who it was (it was Hawkeye)
• Greed’s character keeps trying to use vicious mockery, except Greed’s insults usually boil down to ‘your mom’ jokes and an overusage of the words ‘pissant’ and ‘peon’
• also, Hughes: “the door is spelled shut”
• Greed: “i use vicious mockery on it”
• Hughes: “y- it won’t work”
• Mustang: “I seduce the door”