yourplayersaidwhat:

So I was playing a games with a few friends, myself playing a goblin druid named Spit. We were tasked with sneaking in to an enemy kingdoms castle and assassinating the evil halfling king. We find the king’s secret escape tunnel (used so he could flee in case of invasion) and at the entrance was a wooden door with a magic talking lock/knocker of an ugly face.

DM “if you can answer my riddles, I shall open.”

Me (ooc) “it’s a wooden door, right?”

DM “Yes, but you have to answer the riddles to get it unlocked.”

Me (ooc) “Is it a magic door?”

DM “No, just the lock is magic, but you have to answer the riddle for it to unlock, which means you have to let me give you the riddle.”

Me (ooc) “Ok, you can give us the riddle, but just to be clear the door is wooden and not magical?”

DM (exasperatedly) “No, it’s just a fucking wooden door with a magic fuck lock that will only open when you answer the fucking riddle! Got it?”

Me (looking slightly abashed) “yeah, sorry, continue…”

DM (as lock) “Now answer me this…”

Me “Woodshape!”

DM (Looking at me with murderous intent) “That’s obviously not the answer I had barely started to ask the riddle!”

Me (ooc) “I know, I’m casting wood shape on the nonmagical wooden door and turning it into armor for my goblin with the knocker as his cod piece but with the wood forming a bar gag in his mouth.”

DM “…”

Me *grinning*

DM give me a spell craft roll. Beat a 17.

Me *Nat 20*

DM “… You now have an intricate set of masterwork wooden plate with fucking pin joints so you can move…. I hate you…”

Me *grins*