its-changemod:

Aktos the Ineffable: My phylactery is a small pebble I tossed into the deepest depths of the ocean. Sure, if my body destroys I gotta walk back to the shore, but the inconvenience is worth the security. How about you guys?

Zorak the Malevolent: I have an arrangement with a powerful dragon, a coin near the bottom of his hoard. I simply pay him rent for the privilege and can be assured it will either remain secure, or in the unlikely event of his death be looted rather than destroyed allowing me to make new arrangements.

Tessarius the Inconcievable: I folded up a pocket dimension on the astral plane. Can’t get in if you ain’t got the key and the password, but I can leave whenever I feel like once I regenerate there.

Kolok, Scourge of Nine Blasphemies: Actually… Same as Aktos. Remember how we met on the walk back last time?

Aktos: Oh yes. It was Kraken mating season if I recall correctly.

Kolok: Yes, had to walk ten leagues to go around their territory. Very inconvenient. How about you Phil?

Necrotic Phil: Condom.

Kolok: I’m sorry?

Phil: Well, ain’t nobody gonna think too hard about a condom they found in a lich’s pocket, are they?