my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.
this passed the bechdel test
annichii liked this ofnewhope liked this
wickedelicacy liked this stevenhyd reblogged this from jimiin
jimiin reblogged this from jjaehyungf
jjaehyungf reblogged this from malboras
malboras reblogged this from agentlancelots
thegreatestwaffle liked this commumom reblogged this from treegona
thehappinesstheory reblogged this from rockboci
jimilized reblogged this from nerdwreck
nerdwreck reblogged this from foxantoine thatfuturekarkat reblogged this from jackthebard
muscatella liked this plasticoctopus reblogged this from cloacasexual
skylineost reblogged this from lovetune
thehappinesstheory liked this skeletononastring reblogged this from dilfkirkhammett
minie-mastermind liked this e-kidd-online liked this
letsbenormalseebadmovies reblogged this from twigstarpikachutroll22 derit-s liked this
infinitetiredness liked this wentz-away liked this
t3ndrspitsw3ll liked this
depths-of-the-sea liked this
dead-transsexual-divinity liked this
tales-of-fluri reblogged this from tallowcat
blueenhancers liked this tallowcat reblogged this from dilfkirkhammett
ladyrrascal reblogged this from dilfkirkhammett
ladyrrascal liked this
the-openroad liked this
uhmyeacauseidk liked this
assignedfagatbirth liked this
dilfkirkhammett reblogged this from carnival-core
deadeyedgirl liked this
catboy-meow liked this decomposingpisces liked this
vomitpremium reblogged this from carnival-core
carnival-core reblogged this from twigstarpikachutroll22
carnival-core liked this
twigstarpikachutroll22 reblogged this from twigstarpikachutroll22 donaldgloverswife reblogged this from obviouslyno-bro
nervouszineranchpersona reblogged this from saetyrn9
ellethepalindrome reblogged this from fishiest-fish
superglasspiano reblogged this from geoffs-band coolhotdad posted this
- Show more notes
