froody:

turtlepond:

froody:

froody:

my friend called me on the phone from the library to tell me he’d been chased by a mountain lion and he thought he might have vomited up blood and I was in the middle of scrubbing my car and having a heat stroke god my life keeps getting fucking weirder

mind you this is my friend who is the total chronic disaster who got into that knife fight in the middle school parking lot so I’m used to giving him shitty advice but this summer since I don’t talk on the phone he texts me every other day with some new terrible strange twist that has happened in his life like “my girlfriend almost got kidnapped” “there are three centipedes in my bed!” “I almost got mugged again” like normally I would just go help him but I’m 4 hours away now and it’s like he forgets GXHRVGSHFV

your friend is a protagonist

this I’m aware of I’m his sidekick and the epitome of the nerd best friend archetype but still it is my civic duty to complain

shit you gotta be careful then because youre gonna die just before the third act