the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragons fuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
moriaddty liked this
vanishingstream reblogged this from joisbishmyoga
vanishingstream liked this kiki-havoc reblogged this from doublemooncrab
kiki-havoc liked this
keadane liked this
doublemooncrab reblogged this from an-isolated-nexus
a-millefolio liked this
an-isolated-nexus reblogged this from proserpinesbear
lottiemxtthews liked this
drteenie liked this m-to-the-6th-power reblogged this from siderealsandman and added:
That’s a chart specifically for if two groups can produce a child biologically. It has nothing to do with how likely...
srfirefox reblogged this from zipper-dawn
zipper-dawn reblogged this from siderealsandman and added:
I mean…that chart isn’t a chart of “what will they fuck” it’s a chart of “what will they fuck that results in a baby?"…...
pepperfish reblogged this from subtextsays
subtextsays reblogged this from sprolloquio
subtextsays liked this
nekoisadumbname liked this
scarves-in-summer reblogged this from siderealsandman
sprolloquio reblogged this from siderealsandman
an-isolated-nexus liked this
moonwhing liked this
rebeccasaurusrex reblogged this from siderealsandman
rebeccasaurusrex liked this gretchenfinch liked this
pagos liked this hyperbishopsupreme reblogged this from siderealsandman
tpc1354 liked this
siderealsandman reblogged this from laemperatrizmariana
laemperatrizmariana reblogged this from petiolata
petiolata reblogged this from proshipper-on-ship heart-made-of-felt liked this
proserpinesbear reblogged this from proshipper-on-ship
halfcybergremlin reblogged this from proshipper-on-ship
halfcybergremlin liked this
pastell-nerd reblogged this from thesadumbreon
rororotheboat liked this
sexyshoelessgodofwar reblogged this from proshipper-on-ship
sexyshoelessgodofwar liked this
gr3nl3m reblogged this from level-17-spheal
gr3nl3m liked this
serxeri liked this
proshipper-on-ship reblogged this from backupstardust
proshipper-on-ship liked this
pepiempanadas reblogged this from level-17-spheal
pepiempanadas liked this
backupstardust reblogged this from thesadumbreon
backupstardust liked this thesadumbreon reblogged this from level-17-spheal
- Show more notes