vampireapologist:

groot-scamander:

vampireapologist:

groot-scamander:

vampireapologist:

i can’t stop thinking about that post about spiderman having a patreon. would he have benefit tiers? $1 guarantees weekly videos of him doing backflips somewhere Very Up High. Monthly goal is his rent with a promise like “if i have the bare minimum a human being needs to survive i guess I can keep fighting crime which is cool. mutually beneficially.” rumor has it that once someone sent him $1000 directly on ko-fi and he showed up at a birthday party but who knows.

$1 Access to Spiderman’s snapchat.

Spider-Man seems like the kinda guy to show up to a kid’s birthday party solely to surprise children and eat cake, so whoever allegedly paid $1000 to do what he probably was already planning to do is either very kind or a fool

oh no he crashes children’s birthday parties all the time and gets party favor baggies. this was a 21st birthday party which was very stressful bc he kept stumbling over trying to politely refuse drinks bc he’s a good kid but while also not revealing he’s legally too young to drink

Even better: just… a montage of Spidey’s excuses for why he can’t drink

“Sorry guys, can’t drink and swing”

“I’m, uh, the designated web-slinger!”

“I actually just finished consuming the liquified remains of a few carjackers, so I’m good thanks”

“…i can’t risk it harming my eggsac?”

“…no mouth”

NO MOUTH