whetstonefires:

normal-horoscopes:

squeaky-floorboards:

adulthoodisokay:

chrismenning:

poldberg:

A late night interpretation of Jesus’ thoughts about rich people by Sensitive Mark. 

While we’re at it, don’t forget that one time that Jesus saw predatory lending practices going down in the temple and he actually got violent.

Yes. Jesus got violent. Over predatory lending practices.

Throwing tables and threatening people with a whip. Jesus was super pissed.

And that part is consistent across all four of the Gospels. Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John vary in a lot of places, but they’re consistent on the money changers story.

Also, the paintings that this inspired are pretty rad.

99% of the time, Jesus was all “love thy neighbor” and “turn the other cheek” and “if someone asks you to walk a mile with them, walk two,” but where usury was concerned, he’d straight up kick your ass. 

Jesus: “Be chill. We should all be chill. But also don’t lend money to people and charge them ridiculously high interest rates. Don’t do that. Especially not when people borrow money for the purpose of doing the right thing and making themselves better people. I really fucking hate that. Seriously, just don’t.”

*smashcut to 2016*

Me, living in a society that is intrinsically founded upon Christian doctrine and beliefs: “Student loan debt and credit card interest rates, am I right?”

In addition the the “Jesus got violent” bit: Jesus didn’t just grab a whip and start beating on people.

No, he went outside and made a whip first and then went back in and started flipping tables and beating on people.

MATTHEW 20:28 AND THE SON OF MAN CAME NOT TO BE SERVED BUT TO SERVE (THESE HANDS)

…yk it never occurred to me before that jesus literally has an official weapon that he crafts and uses in canon.

most gods that do that, or even just have the weapon, it’s a big part of their imagery. and we’ve got all this immense traditional drama around like. every object tangentially associated with this guy’s death.

you got your nails and your slivers of wood and your cup and your spear and your shroud, entirely too many of each, and turning up in so many places. emperor constantine’s mum was sainted for somehow retrieving cross-bits on her pilgrimage. superman once got mind-controlled by the jesus-stabbing spear of destiny which had been corrupted by hitler. that’s the kind of cultural footprint these articles possess.

but i cannot think of one single mythological appearance of that leather whip, handcrafted by this divine avatar in the actual canon. this religion is so weird.

anyway, spear of longinus out, Whip Of Anti-Capitalism in.

i demand a movie be made of someone finding jesus’s whip and going aruond and whipping the 1% until they pay their fucking employees and their taxes im lookin at you jeff bezos