banishedquasiroyal:

OH SHIT okay well. i’m going to write words now

• dirk lalonde is…coddled, for lack of better terms. he gets a lot of stuff just handed to him without question, which is cool, but also kind of horrific in retrospect.
• because mom is a fucking mess, she doesn’t question it when dirk starts building increasingly complex robots. like oh there’s a robobutler now? and he’s a horse? good work dirky boy now fetch momma another martini
• across the country roxy strider is being raised by a grown up bro which is paradox hell but relevant at some point probably
• eventually dirk creates a perfect robot build. it even looks human! it’s great! and when the game starts, he’s super excited to make it start up by absorbing a soul of like, a carapace or something
• dirk and mom lalonde aren’t related but they do share the common trait of being great at academia and absolutely shit at actually bringing a lot of stuff to fruition, like common sense
• read mom doesn’t even make it out of the house before tripping over an extension cord or something equally stupid and snapping her neck on the way downstairs, and ofc dirks stupid robot is powering on at that very moment, and dirk accidentally gets this super powerful kid sized robot that’s also possessed by the soul of his now deceased mother

there’s more probably but ultimately dirk being a lalonde can only result in like, crack shit that somehow just happens. it’s totally questioned by his friends but also sort of…ignored. because who really wants to believe that robot with no voice is his mom? haha. nope.

so with all this do you think that dirk lalonde would wind up being a better or worse person than canon dirk?