missoyashirou:

mithrils-hanger:

lizawithazed:

dvandom:

filibusterfrog:

halflings love their new giant children

“So, Mister…GRAAAAGH Underhill-by-Sackville, is it?”
“Indeed.”
“You’re an Orc, but you don’t mention any clan….”
“Oh, I’m culturally Hobbitish, I was adopted at a very young age.  And I’m very keen on this position you have open at your trading house.”
“The guard position?”
“Heavens, no.  I barely know which end of a sword goes into the miscreant.  I am a certified accountant, and eager to make my mark in respectable society.”

I once played a kobold sorcerer-rogue with this exact backstory

even better, Tolkein Orcs seem to grow in size based on how good their diet is. thus Misty Mountain and Moria ‘goblins’ are relatively small (caves rarely provide much in the way of nourishment), Mordor orcs are a bit on the larger size, but still close to dwarf size (given that two hobbits easily blend in), while the extremely well fed Orthanc Uruk-Hai are the size of large men.

Hobbits eat six meals a day, when they can get them. and love to snack in between. even the poorest are able to sustain this diet, and the rich just eat far more elaborate meals. 

those adopted kids are going to grow up to be huge.

A 10 foot tall green dude by the name of Arthur Brambly-Took came to my luncheon and now I’m going to have to marry him