remus lupin is on the train to hogwarts.

it’s his first year and he is excited. no, he is nervous. no, he’s both, but mostly nervous. he’s never been away from home before, not on his own. it’s four days until the full moon and though he knows all of the arrangements that professor dumbledore has made for him, he’s still unsure of how he’s going to deal with it.

he stares out of the carriage window, at the fields passing by. there’s other kids in this carriage, but they all seem to know each other. he’s alone, and that’s what he’s most scared of. 

what if he never makes any friends? how will he explain to them where he goes every month, why his moods change, why he’s always tired? he’s always been a bit of a loner, ever since it happened, but in hogwarts it’ll be different. at hogwarts, he’ll be alone in a crowd of people.

he rests his head on his hand, looking out at the sun glimmering off the train window. all he can do is wait, he decides. wait and find out what happens next.

remus lupin is on the train to hogwarts.

it’s his sixth year, and he is not alone. sitting across from him is james potter, his hair carefully windswept, playing with the snitch he and sirius nicked at the end of last year. peter sits next to james, devouring a peanut butter sandwich with bright eyes. sirius is next to remus, laughing his way through ridiculously exaggerated impressions of their professors.

remus is laughing too, in a carefree way that, five years ago, he never thought he’d achieve. james is debating how much mayhem sirius could get up to if he sneaks into the slytherins’ car as a dog; peter has already got in there as a rat and dropped crumbs in snape’s hair. 

they learned some of the hardest magic remus has ever heard of for him. he still can’t believe it, is half convinced that his life since they found out has been a particularly cruel dream. but they did it, for him. he’s in this compartment with three unregistered animagi who would risk everything to make him that little bit more comfortable.

sirius has grabbed some dress robes from his bag and held them to his chin, in a passable caricature of professor dumbledore. james throws the snitch at his head - when it zooms back into his hand, peter gives a little squeak of joy. remus doesn’t know how he found these people, but he knows he’s so lucky to have kept them.

remus lupin is on the train to hogwarts.

it’s the last time he will ever be here, though he doesn’t yet know that. he is asleep, in a carriage on his own. he got here early, battered suitcase full of his only possessions, exhausted from the trip to king’s cross. he had only meant to close his eyes for a few minutes.

when he wakes up, it is to a lingering sense of dread, a creeping cold that he instantly recognises. his wand is in his hand before he can consciously react. images flash through his mind - sirius black being dragged away to azkaban, peter pettigrew’s finger, all they could find of him, james potter’s coffin being lowered into the ground. there are children in the carriage; he tells them to be quiet, doesn’t even look at them. it is later, when a boy has fainted and he’s dispelled the dementor, that he looks.

a red-haired boy, staring at him. a girl with a lot of hair, looking like she has a thousand questions. another boy with a faraway, tortured expression. a small, red-haired girl, shaking like a leaf. and…

james potter, lying in front of him, looking the same as when remus first met him. he stands there, numb, not quite believing what he is seeing. it’s james, the spitting image of him, back from the dead and thirteen years old again. it’s only when the boy blinks, and opens his eyes, that remus realises who this must be.

he looks like james, but his eyes are lily’s. the boy doesn’t even look at him - he doesn’t know who remus is. of course he doesn’t. they only met a few times, when harry was a baby.

there is chocolate in his bag. he gives it to harry, acting almost on autopilot. he mumbles something about seeing the driver and leaves the carriage. as soon as he is outside. he puts his hand to his head and closes his eyes.

remus lupin is going to hogwarts again. but this time, he is entirely alone.