If you have Edison lights you automatically get the guillotine.

this place has a burger that’s topped with like 3 other kinds of meat and tastes like nothing but liquid smoke

guacamole is offered for $1.75

they have a sign up telling you no Wi-Fi talk to each other but they also want you to follow them on Instagram

they have a $17 burger that has “deconstructed” in its description.

All of the beverages are served in mason jars and the only straws they provide, on request, are dry pasta

Menus printed on brown paper that’s meant to look low-fi but actually costs $40 a ream

Your waiter has a man-bun and hotpants on and recommends you the low fat, low calzhigh soy veggie burger for $19.89. Fries aren’t served.

The microbrew menu is 300 pages thick and none of them are good

those ridiculously uncomfortable benches are always placed on a floor designed to make the most noise when you try to leave.

The seating is pretty terrible and it always smells like a farmers market in a recently burnt down barn.

The burger you ordered as medium will always come out well done

They don’t have a brand name soda fountain but instead carry sodas and colas made from roots and cane sugar. Their AC keeps the restaurant at a comfortable 55 degrees on a 70 degree day while the cardstock menu proudly boasts that they’re made from 100% recycled paper. Extra toppings can cost up to $5 depending on what you get.