generalgrievousdatingsim:

generalgrievousdatingsim:

generalgrievousdatingsim:

generalgrievousdatingsim:

generalgrievousdatingsim:

me: okay, before we go through with this, i just have one question. is the aversion to garlic like, a lactose intolerance thing where you can consume it but you’ll regret it later, or is it more of a severe, potentially lethal allergic reaction kinda sitch?

vampire: *pausing mid-bite* why… does it matter?

me: i’m just not sure if this immortality deal is really worth it if i can never eat garlic again

no but seriously. how much garlic does it take to actually repel a vampire? there are no specific measurements as far as i’m aware, which on the one hand suggests that it’s just any amount at all, but on the other hand it makes vampires look kind of weak and shitty if they can be successfully warded off by a speck of garlic powder in my blood

vampire: now, i know you’re new to this whole vampirism thing, but using that much garlic in your cooking surely can’t agree with you-

me: buddy, i was lactose intolerant before i turned. i’ve suffered worse for less.

angel: aren’t you supposed to be repelled by salt? that must be so painful

demon: i’m already damned to eternal torment in hell, do you really think i’m going to torture myself with bland, unseasoned food as well? no thank you *pops another salt and vinegar chip in their mouth and winces*

faerie: you are aware that iron dampens our magic, right?

other faerie: i will die before i stop eating chocolate and that is a threat

millennial supernatural entities are unstoppable