toinfinityandslightlytotheright:

badjokesbyjeff:

A gambler gets a notice from IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says:

“The reason for your audit is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle, but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do for living?”

Gambler says “I am a professional gambler.”

“A gambler?” said the IRS agent with slightly puzzled and surprised look on his face.

“Yes, I make my money by betting, would you like a demonstration?”

“Sure” said the IRS agent “let’s have a demonstration”

“I will bet you $1,000; that I can bite my eye” said the gambler.

“OK, you have a bet” replied IRS agent with a smirk on his face. The gambler pops out his glass eye and bites it. IRS agent is shocked as he did not see that coming, and he did agree to a $1,000 bet in from of gamblers attorney.

“All right, all right, this was not really fair” said the gambler. “I will give you a chance to win your money back. I will bet you another $1,000 that I can bite my other eye.”

IRS agent looks over the guys paperwork and see that he is not legally blind and takes the bet. The gambler takes out his dentures and bites his other eye. The IRS agent is now visibly stressed and sweating for being on the hook for $2,000.

“I tell you what. Double or nothing, I will stand on the edge of your desk, close my eyes and piss into the garbage can on the other side of the room without spilling a drop, what do you say?”

IRS agent is a little perplex, but does not see how that would be possible and takes the bet. The gambler stands on the agents desks, unzip his pants, closes his eyes and pisses all over the agents desk.

“YES!!!” exclaimed the IRS agent knowing he won the bet and does not own the gambler any money.

“Ahh, shiiiit” said the attorney.

“What’s the matter?” asked the IRS agent.

“Well, he bet me $20,000 that he will come to your office today, piss all over your desk, and you would be happy about it.”

I’m literally screaming this is amazing