Alien: This title is misleading.
Human: How so?
Alien: What is modern about any of this warfare?
Alien: They don’t even have robots!
Human: Give it 8 more games and then it’ll kick in.
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Alien: What is so special about this “bard” that he deserves his own tale?
Human: He can bullshit himself out of any situation. 
Alien: Isn’t that every human though? 
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Human: What do you think?
Alien: Seems pretty average. 
Human: Average? 
Human: You have genetically modified super soldiers running around in power armor wielding chainsaw swords. How is that average? 
Alien: It’s adorable that you don’t know that’s how the rest of the galaxy sees humanity anyway.
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Alien: Friend human, I need help with this game. 
Human: Alright. 
Alien: No matter how many blocks I align the game will not end. How do I finish it?
Human: You finish it when you lose. 
Alien: Why do your people torment yourselves so much?!?!
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Alien: Why does the god of war have a son?
Human: Because he had sex with someone. 
Alien: Absurd! The god of war is all about war!  
Human: ……..
Human: Feel like you didn’t see a few of the cutscenes from the original game. 
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Alien: I still don’t understand why you are so afraid of this enemy. 
Human: Picture a hand grenade. 
Alien: Okay. 
Human: Now give it legs.
Alien: Alright but wh-
Human: Now imagine every time it sees you it pulls its pin and runs headlong at you.
Alien: I see your point.
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Alien: This political leader’s daughter is most infuriating! Every time I turn my back she gets kidnapped. 
Human: Yeah, she’s the worst. 
Alien: Can….can we just let her be kidnapped?
Human: Believe me, we’ve tried it. 
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Alien: If the hero of the story is this tiny boy elf child, why is the title not named after him?
Human: Because the princess always has to make it about her. 
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Alien: How many games are in this series?
Human: 16 I think. 
Alien: Do you not understand the definition of “Final”? 
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Alien: This hero is just as bad as the villains.
Human: How can you say that? He doesn’t kill anyone.
Alien: No, he just breaks several of their bones and leaves them either tied up hanging from lampposts or in piles of snow where they collapsed and will most likely die from hypothermia. 
Human: Okay, he might be a bit of the bad guy.
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Alien: You humans are all bluster. 
Human: Oh yeah? Want to play a documentary game about our strongest human?
Alien: I’m sure it is nothing spec-
*Sees human bring a starship crashing down into a planet with a hand gesture*
Human: You were saying?
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Alien: I was surprised to see you had this documentary in your collection. 
Human: *Sees game*
Human: That’s just a video game, it’s not real. 
Alien: I must disagree. The green crystals that spread across the galaxy are well known to my people and we were able to tame them with the help of the prophet. 
Human: Wait…what?!?
Alien: Nod for life. 
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Alien: So these people are trapped inside a mall…
Human: Yes. 
Alien: and start going crazy in it turning on each other…
Human: Pretty much.
Alien: all while you take pictures of it?
Human: Mhmm. 
Alien: Do such things happen in real life for your people?
Human: We call if Black Friday, and nobody makes it out alive. 
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Alien: What a strange weapon this is, but so fun to beat people with it!
Human: That’s not a weapon.
Alien: Then what is it?
*human whispers in alien’s ear*
Alien: EW! Oh gods! Why would you beat someone with something like that!?!
Human: Because it’s funny and that’s just how Saints Row. 
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Alien: If the objective is to push this bomb carrying device, why am I the only one here?
Human: Because there are no objectives, only kills. 
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