dykeceratops:

twerkyvulture:

twerkyvulture:

dykeceratops:

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

i don’t say that. “hot” would imply it’s been in the toaster for more than fifteen seconds lol

“your lightly warmed bread is done” i tell u

one of these days i’m not even gonna put it in the toaster, just gonna breathe real hard on the bread for a minute and you’ll be like “wow this is perfectly done”

“thank you so much for warming up my bread for me honey, I’m so glad we’re married, I love you” I say to you every time your mean little ass makes toast for me

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