what-even-is-thiss:

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *arrives home totally plastered*

Friend: You know you’re supposed to water down that kind of wine right

Me: *throws bread at them* It was the Song Dynasty. I was right. Frick you.

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *sitting on top of a building during the beheading of Marie Antoinette*

Me: *pulls a bag of popcorn and some peasant bread out of my backpack*

Roof climbing child: Who are you?

Me: Someone on a roof. *hands them some bread*

Child: Why are you dressed like that?

Me: Because I can.

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *struts onto a Polynesian canoe in a Star Wars t-shirt*

Me: What do you guys eat on these things? Fish?

Sailor: What the f*ck are you and where did you come from we’re in the middle of the ocean

Me: Can I have that fruit

Sailor: No. Absolutely not.

Me: Fair. *jumps overboard with my hydro flask*

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *walks into the Song Dynasty with a backpack and a hydro flask*

Me: Hey have you guys invented paper money yet?

Woman washing clothes: What are you talking about? Who are you?

Me: *takes a sip of my Ancient Greek wine I’m keeping in my hydro flask* Do you have paper money?

Woman: I suppose?

Me: Sweet. *walks off*

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *banging pots and pans in the street in the middle of the Mali empire*

Me: WHERE’S THE SALT???

Random passerby: What is a European doing this far south

Other rando: Yelling about salt apparently.

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *struts up to an Inca temple in bright green sunglasses*

Me: Hey guy of knowing stuff what do you know can I see your dead kings

Ancient Inca man: Are you sent from the gods to annoy me

Me: Nope, I’m doing this for free.

what-even-is-thiss:

Me: *rolls up to a merchant in ancient Athens on Heelys and sipping a Starbucks*

Me: Yo where’s your horribly dense wine I’ve got coin

Merchant: What on earth are you wearing

Me: It’s called pants.

Merchant: I hate that.