katbelleinthedark:

cricketcat9:

emphasisonthehomo:

emphasisonthehomo:

emphasisonthehomo:

Imagine all of the insufferable oscar bait quarantine movies that are gonna come out in a few years, about a husband and wife forced to stay home together, and slowly learn to actually love and appreciate their spouse.

One of the Important Scenes will be where Husband watches Wife idk fucking eat an entire can of olives and goes “I- I didn’t know you liked olives” and she’s like “Yeh I love them” *insert obnoxious slurping eating noises to prove she is a Relatable Female Character.*

And then cue dramatic melancholy music while he sits and thinks about how his job is actually meaningless in the face of the fact that it’s prevented him from learning more about the woman he married all those years ago.

There’s a bunch of scenes where they look pensively at each other from the doorway. They start off quarantine sitting on chairs on opposite sides of the living room. As the days progress they move closer and closer. By the end of the movie they’re next to each other on a love seat.

It’s about two upper middle class white heterosexuals. He works at a bank and she runs an etsy shop making tiny idly jewelry. Their neighbor is an Eldery Likable Black Man who offers them sage advice talking over the fence of their backyards. He of course eventually dies of the virus, leaving his two neighbors to learn and grow from the experience- and to treasure what really matters in life.

It makes 10 Bazillion dollars and several high brow movie critics talk breathlessly about how it accurately and beautifully handled the emotional and social struggle of life during the pandemic.

Husband is played by like Leonardo DiCaprio or something. Wife is a slim blonde actress who is 20 years younger than him, even though in the move their characters somehow went to high school together. Black Neighbor Killed Off For Character Development is played by Morgan Freeman. The movie is touted as one of the most Important Films Of The Decade.

Yep. That’s The Movie. IMO there also will be Elderly Heroic Asian Woman, owner of a grocery store, speaking bad English,  suffering but Performing Heroic Acts for the community, even the asshole racist who will eventually reform, cue tears. 

The whole film just flashed in front of my eyes.