thebibliosphere:

vampireapologist-archive-deacti:

ahopefuldisaster:

vampireapologist-archive-deacti:

Thinking of getting into the wedding industry where I offer my services to brides with overbearing families and my job will be to remind everyone else it is NOT their wedding. I can do passive aggressive, private aside with a vaguely threatening air, or just telling them to shut the fuck up in front of everyone.

The plan is you tell them I’m your fiance’s estranged step sister so they’ll even sympathize with you for being stuck with me instead of hate you when I tell them no one wants to hear about why they rudely disagree with your veil choice.

I will hire your services at my wedding thanks

Oh I do this for free as long as there’s food at the reception for me

Having worked in the wedding industry, I’m telling you, you could make a fortune doing this. The number of times I had to tell a mother of the groom/bride to pipe down and stop causing scenes was unreal.