gowns:

princessshyed:

disaster-j:

dancinbutterfly:

whereintheworldiskamalakhan:

thebestpersonherelovesbucky:

witchaj:

poblacht-na-n-oibrithe:

Straight women should unionize

What the actual FUCK

This right here is a HUGE red fucking flag. If you’re in a relationship with someone who wants complete control over finances, especially to the point where you don’t even have access to money, this is an attempt to control and isolate. They will use ALL sorts of excuses. “I’m better with money” “You spend too much” “You’re too impulsive” etc. It has nothing to do with looking out for you or money. It’s straight up abuse and will likely lead to worse.

Also, women need to be independent in every way they can. And they also need to know what’s going on with their finances, even if their husband makes all the decisions or whatever bs goes on. Because (true story), one day that husband could die and you’ll find out that you’re in a crazy amount of debt that you never knew about because he didn’t tell you shit and that gets to be a lovely surprise after the funeral.

Women should ABSOLUTELY be independent and you should ABSOLUTELY keep your banking separate.

HOWEVER!

If you are in that circumstance?

Grocery shopping and gas stations and big box stores are your BEST friend. I know we’re in a pandemic but put on an N-95 and go. Use your debit card every time and take out 20-40 dollars each time you shop for these sorts of things because that doesn’t read as a withdrawal. It counts as part of the shopping. Women have been doing this for GENERATIONS now. My mother did it when my father was financially abusing her and she taught me and now? I pas this on to you.

Take your 20-40 dollars a trip and put the cash somewhere he won’t look.

Where won’t he look? With a friend who he doesn’t want to know. In the yard he expects you to care for. In the laundry he won’t do. In the kids room where he doesn’t go because that is your job. In the dog food he expects you to refill.

Or.

In you can take that money and put it a fucking bank he doesn’t use. Under your name and your name ONLY. Because when you leave him - which on average will take 7 attempts because thats how many times it takes to leave an abuser - you will need all the money you can squirrel away.  Depending on how often a woman runs absolutely necessary errands and how much money a family makes, she can squirrel away 1K+ in a year this way which may not seem like much but it’s enough for a softer landing than ZERO especially if she’s not working.

Take care of yourself ladies.

Reblogging again because this^ is important

Another way to do this if your worried he will check reciepts or get suspicious: buy items he won’t keep track of (diapers, cleaning products, etc) and return them for cash.

^ this is actually an extremely good tip at the end here. my mom was in two financially abusive relationships; in the first one my dad had a shaky control over their finances and ruined her credit, paying off all his loans and letting all other bills go in the red. in the second one my stepdad had COMPLETE control over my mom’s finances, down to demanding receipts, searching her purse, and having the log-ins for all the bank accounts. the “cash back” option wouldn’t have worked for her, he would have seen it.

but buying things then secretly returning them? that is very, very clever.

my mom’s ultimate escape was only able to happen once my brother and i were old enough and out of the house. she went to live with her mom and filed for divorce and a restraining order. ultimately, she lost almost everything in the divorce, but she didn’t care – she would rather be free and lose all of her assets to my stepdad than have to continue dealing with him.