roach-works:

roach-works:

thenymreaper:

the-rear-admiral-reborn:

littlepinkbeast:

you know how most of the things humans use as spices are poisonous or repellent to most other mammals? and you know how anything vaguely d&d inspired has dwarves being way more poison resistant than even humans?

dwarf cuisine shouldn’t be bland, it should be unimaginably spicy and potentially harmful or fatal to humans. like green potato and rhubarb leaf salad with a festive garnish of yew berries and deadly nightshade berries, that kind of thing.

Concept: humans think it’s bland cuz rather than memorizing what kills humans it’s safer to just pass on the spices.

#‘should we add salt? everyone eats salt right?’#‘no that’s a rock there’s no way humans eat rocks

human: oh, so it’s a boiled potato with no seasonings, huh? and an extremely well-done cut of meat. also no seasonings. and a cup of tea with…. no tea in it. just some water. okay. thanks. it’s just like mom used to make. 

dwarves, proudly: for dessert we put a handful of loose change in a pumpkin and we’re gonna roll it down a hill for you!

human: …….that’s….so nice of you.

dwarf: wait

human: *chews furtively*

dwarf: what do you have there???

human: *chews faster*

dwarf: NO DROP IT

human, still frantically chewing: *SCURRIES INTO THE NEAREST MINESHAFT*

dwarf: DAMN IT I SAID NO!