[ID: a photo of a partial book page labeled across the top “First Version”, “A Long-Expected Party”, and “17”. The text starts midsentence and reads “curious habit in their weddings. They kept it (always officially and very often actually) a dead secret for years who they were going to marry, even when they knew. They they suddenly went and got married and went off without an address for a week or two (or even longer). When Bilbo disappeared this is what at first his neighbors thought. ‘He has gone and got married. Now who can it be? - no one else has disappeared, as far as we know.‘ Even after a year they would have been less surprised if he had come back with a wife.“ /end ID]

Okay but… Sam, Frodo, Merry, and Pippin all randomly deuces out the same night… can you imagine the Shire gossip???

At the next Took family gathering, Esmerelda and Paladin II make a show of casually settling up their bet, but later hustle each other off into another room for a hushed “They did marry each other, didn’t they?” “Surely neither of them married that Baggins boy!” “My Peregrine would never!” “You said he wouldn’t marry Meriadoc though.” “Well, yes, but… not the Baggins boy? I’m sure they’ve married each other. Frodo Baggins has married his gardener, and our boys married each other and it’s fine.” “Unless all four of them -” “Don’t even think it!” conversation.

Fredegar Bolger trying to pretend to have ANY idea how the poly geometry works there.

Meanwhile in Hobbiton Hamfast Gamgee is inconsolable because there are no good possibilities here. His poor son has married into the gentry and it doesn’t matter which one what kind of husband is that for such a promising lad?

Rosie Cotton sobbing “He’ll never notice me now HE HAS A HAREM I knew he was out of my league!”