Every time I see that post that’s something like “weird, but technically not a sin,” I think about being seven or eight years old and bawling to the priest that I had scaled the walls of the pantry in my home like a spider monkey in order to eat all of the cookies that my parents had naïvely hidden on the top shelf to keep me from getting into them and wailing that I was a hopeless criminal and hearing just dead silence on the other side of the little wall.