firespirited:

autisticmob:

So I went to the Josh Fight

a summary:

- Two Josh Swains were in attendance. OG Josh, hailing from Arizona

- And Nebraska’s own Josh Swain, from Omaha.

(feat. An Audio Engineer doing THE MOST for that sound quality)

-All the local news stations were there

- The majority of attendees were from out of state

- The two Josh Swains battled for supremacy by Rock Paper Scissors duel.

- The victor? Josh Swain, from Arizona. A crushing defeat for Josh Swain, who despite having none of Josh Swain’s newfound Twitter Clout, DID have the home team advantage, as well as a Great Look.

- Following the Josh Swain Duel and coronation of the One True Josh Swain, there was an All-Josh pool noodle battle royale

- A brief list of notable Josh Variants I saw in this battle:

• Josh Swain (Prime)
• Josh Swain (Secondary)
• Medieval Josh (full chain mail armor)
• Spider Josh (x2)
• “Josh Wick” (had pool noodles mounted to two electric drills for spin-attack capabilities)
• Furry Josh (A Josh in a fursuit)
• Big Josh (A large man with the words “Big Josh” painted on his bare torso, and “Dad Bod” painted on his back. Armed with pool noodle wolverine claws)
• Little Josh (A small boy of about 5 years old)
• Luchador Josh
• Roman Centurion Josh

The rules were simple. Enter the ring and fight honorably (no headshots, no hits below the belt.) If you are hit with a pool noodle, you are dead, having fallen in glorious battle. The last Josh standing would be the winner.

The battle lasted a little over sixty seconds in total. The final victor was….

LITTLE JOSH, THE SMALLEST COMBATANT.

The crowd was going wild. The chanting for Little Josh was deafening. Truly there could have been no better outcome.

pool noodle combat was then opened to the general public, for fun rather than glory.

As for Josh Prime, he seemed like a very cool dude! As of last reporting, he raised $6600 dollars for the Children’s Hospital and a truckload of nonperishables for the local food bank alongside the other Josh Fight attendees! He offered masks to any maskless people he met, and did his best to keep things as safe and socially distanced as he could, despite the ungodly amount of people who showed up to this random fucking field outside of Lincoln, Nebraska.

(Also for the Nebraskans: Yes he tried a Runza, and yes he says he enjoyed it.)

So anyway. Shoutout to the one and only Josh Swain.

Just wanted to add that both Josh Swains chose shaved sides and black skinny jeans and did identical rock paper scissors 3 times so maybe they share brainwaves.