strawberrypincushion:

Okay I read the plot of Cruella (2021) and Holy Hell this is a mess.

Here’s some highlights: (Be warned: there will be spoilers)

• Cruella’s name is Estella
• She is born with her signature half white and half black hair … Kay…
• Her mother - I sh*t you not, is pushed over a cliff by Dalmatians and she dies (which is why Cruella I guess, wants to skin 99 puppies?)
• Estella moves to London - and befriends Jasper and Horace
• She eventually gets on the Baroness’ radar and works as an intern and works her way up the ranks
• Until the baroness uses a motherf*cking dog whistle to call some Dalmations to her side and Cruella comes to the conclusion that the baroness killed her mother (by having the dogs run her off a cliff mufasa style) - and she’s right!
• Cruella pulls some hijinks yada yada yada
• She has her friend Anita Darling help get her publicity (because Anita is a journalist)
• Cruella does something to mess with the baroness that results in her lawyer Roger (yes, that Roger) getting fired and he returns to being a pianist
• Oh, and there’s a side plot involving the baroness wearing Cruella’s mother’s necklace and she wants it back - but a Dalmatian eats it
• Eventually the dog (who Cruella dognaps) coughs it up or something (cause it’s pg13 she ain’t gonna be digging around in the dogs intestinal tract)
• And then some dude who’s like, the baroness’s chauffeur or something tells Cruella the necklace is a key to a special box that the baroness keeps under high security
• (Dont ask me how a random necklace is a key to a box)
• Cruella steals and opens the box - and Dun Dun Dun! It contains Estella’s (Cruella) birth records! Shes actually the baroness’s daughter! Gasp!
• But she didnt want her so she like faked her kids death or something??
• Anyway - Cruella shows up at the baroness’s party and declares she knows shes her birth mother (her other mother was a maid who raised her in secret and I guess the baroness decided to kill her for some reason?)
• So the baroness uses the dog whistle again and tries to murder her daughter by chasing her off a cliff using her Dalmations (the baroness really only has one shtick huh?)
• Cruella falls off a cliff - but - she has a parachute and I guess lands safely because we don’t know whats at the bottom of the cliff? (Is it jagged rocks on a shoreline, is it an elephant graveyard, or a soft meadow of flowers? Who’s to say…. its a tumoltuous sea storm with crashing waves)
• Did I forget to mention the parachute is apparently made from Cruella’s skirt?
• The police arrest the baroness and somehow Cruella gets the rights to owning the baroness’s mansion - she nicknames it ‘Hell Hall’
• But what about the Dalmations you say??
• Cruella still likes them and even helps one of the dogs give birth to…you guessed it (pongo and perdita) - and gifts them to Roger and Anita
• Oh and now both Anita and Roger respect and admire Cruella and her finesse - so Roger writes his song “Cruella De Ville” in honor of how cool he thinks she is.

I am NOT making this up. I couldn’t if I tried.