pandemic episode of malcolm in the middle: malcolm struggles to reconcile his commitment to quarantine safety measures with the fact that all the girls his age are so lonely and isolated that they're suddenly willing to go on dates with HIM, of all people. reese discovers that egging neighbors' houses still counts as a "socially-distanced" activity and has the time of his life. dewey does some mental calculus and realizes that he gets fewer wedgies per day from his brothers than he does from the school bully and decides he'll keep these lockdowns in effect at all costs, so he starts calling in fake pandemic data to local health districts to bump the numbers up. lois gets in a physical altercation with a non-masker at the lucky aide and starts duct taping people's mouths shut, which craig finds both alarming and oddly alluring. (craig then immediately gets infected from licking his hand to slick back his hair in a bid to impress her.) hal works from home but, after slacking off on the family computer all day, is driven to obsession by the thought of becoming the digital solitaire world champion.