Herschel normally plays in the Large Dog group at daycare because he is Too Intense for the Shi-tuzs, but yesterday he was kicked back into small group for "Playing too hard with Big Herschel".
For context, My terrible goblin baby is a 38lb corgi
"Big Herschel" is a 140lb Rhodesian Ridgeback, also named Herschel
...and by "Playing too hard" they apparently meant "Your wretched crime baby has figured out how to do a WWE-style flying tackle off the top of the sunning/shade platform (4ft high platform to dogs to lie on or under) and Big Herschel was starting to get scared to go near it."
Fortunately, there was a Basset hound in smalls to sumo-wrestle with so he still got to play
but
Baby dog.
PLEASE.
So APPARENTLY he's been doing his Flying Squirrel Maneuver for months now, it's just never been a problem before because Charleston plays in the same group and if he sees Herschel jump off that platform he anime-teleports across the playground to counter-tackle Herschel out of midair in what I can only assume is an activation of Charlie's Older Brother Instincts.
This has interrupted Herschel's Reign Of Terror From Above on previous occasions, so the staff didn't feel the need to tell me.
But it was Warm and Sunny yesterday and Charlie could not be arsed to get up from where he was cosplaying a solar panel on the same platform. Herschel was essentially running continuous laps onto the platform, into the air, on top of the tallest dog in range (mostly Big Herschel), and back up the platform at high speed, so Big Herschel was taking a flying corgi to the face every four seconds for a bit there until someone finally caught Herschel and dumped him in with the Basset Hound.
The Basset Hound's name is Leia and she is ALSO apparently a major criminal that understands how RFID tag collars work, so I assume she and Herschel will have a Phinneas-and-Ferb style giant robot built by the end of the month.
So apparently, Miss Leia was also Removed From Large Dogs Group.
She's 53lbs because she's basically a bloodhound with lower standards, if you will, which means she is short enough to climb under the regular (2ft high) play boxes AND strong enough to push the heavy plywood box around from the inside like Solid Snake sneaking through a fortress, except she decided to charge around the play yard at mach fuck in her new mobile fortress and took out one of the staff at the knees.
I am asking the staff to leave a note with Leia's leash asking her owner if she wants to come over and do battle with The Goblin King next week. It'll be intellectually stimulating for them and my knees are already fucked.