lizzymodblog:

I am not a shallow woman. One thing you will need to have for me to be interested in you: eyeballs. At least 1. No more than 4. Though if you only have 1 then you need to be a pirate. And good looking. And not have scurvy.

Another thing. You need to be able to tell the difference between a nipple and a outie-bellybutton. Very important. This is a mistake that somehow happens a lot and it’s just a hassle when someone proclaims they have 3 nipples and then the secret government agents take them away again for a few weeks, all because of a simple misunderstanding.

Another requirement. A taste in music that either completely matches mine, or doesn’t exist at all. The details of my taste in music will be disclosed once I have pinned it down myself. For now, all I can say for sure is “good music.”

Finally, while I have nothing against the more weighty among us… moderation is nice. I usually prefer my partners to be smaller than me. With my length, standing at about 1.9 meters, this is not often difficult. Though width is another story. Basically, don’t be a whale. Also don’t be an elephant. Or a cow. Or any kind of animal. What do you think I am, a furry?

Wait, are you telling me that people really don’t know what a belly button is?