Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, “Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?”
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
I can not tell you how much I relate to all of this.
My grandma used to steal my diaries and I would find them in her desk.
My parents get word from other people who’ve read posts I’ve made about being depressed and then complain to me that it makes our family look bad.
I’ve just stopped telling my dad anything because he either completely ignores me or makes fun of me for it and tells me to man up.
wanderingpie liked this
rolling-away-from-the-sunset liked this crionic-dubs reblogged this from raionmimi
spracktwackular liked this
caitlynclark276 reblogged this from elidyce
caitlynclark276 liked this me-and-my-greygreen-eyes reblogged this from mac-n-cheese-flavored-arson
tana-the-dreamchaser liked this
coughupvomit liked this
mac-n-cheese-flavored-arson reblogged this from xspiderfanx tvchannel34 reblogged this from cherry-flavored-content
fishingboatproceded liked this
deepmiraclelady liked this a-cup-of-my-tea liked this
superrandomusernameposts reblogged this from cherry-flavored-content sharkenthusiast liked this
sharkenthusiast reblogged this from cherry-flavored-content
jack-bloom reblogged this from cherry-flavored-content
insaneharrypotterfanatic reblogged this from cherry-flavored-content
insaneharrypotterfanatic liked this
justskulkingaround liked this
cherry-flavored-content reblogged this from alex-fa-ch alex-fa-ch reblogged this from alex-fa-ch
squishyjinie liked this
killugoncreek liked this complainsalot liked this
icyhotliv liked this
jiangsbitch reblogged this from avatar-kyowoshi
avatar-kyowoshi reblogged this from hola-ninos
gaytles reblogged this from gamergirlmoira
gaytles liked this
gamergirlmoira reblogged this from fireopal-tash
gamergirlmoira liked this
srasarah liked this
cannsoup liked this breadgremlin liked this
9-se-ra-ph-9 liked this
punkflowerssword liked this
awkward-rat42 liked this iridescent-spectra liked this
freak-fox0003 reblogged this from mouthpulse
piemur2014 reblogged this from multifandom-madness-and-more
piemur2014 liked this
multifandom-madness-and-more reblogged this from leavemealonetoread
leavemealonetoread reblogged this from moniquill
s-ick-le reblogged this from bloomgemstonia
mouseminiature liked this
daeranilen posted this
- Show more notes